Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.
Life is putting me to the test lately. There's so manythings that had to be done. I don't know. Maybe now I will know my limits. Whether I should continue or whether I should stop.
Emotionally, I am a
wreck. I dont even know my exact feelings at this point of time. It's a mixture of all the feelings available in this world. Am I supposed to be
angry. Am I supposed to be
loved? Am I supposed to be
jealous? Seriously speaking, I have no idea. But one thing's for sure, I am
confused.
Mentally, I am a
gone case. Promotional examinations is in
two weeks time and I've yet to be really ready to face it. Will I make it or will I have to leave school. Either way don't make much of a difference for me because if I really can't make it this year, off I'll go to Malaysia. But what do I really want. To go Malaysia for my studies or to do my best so I am able to continue my studies here and be with my friends with whom I've build a friendship with. Again, I am
confused.
Physically, I am not myself. I think I am
sick. Every morning when
Mr. Haikel sees me, he'll comment that I look sick. Maybe I am. I just fail to realise it. A couple of my
friends too commented that I don't look too good. I don't know. Maybe I am
dying.
I read the "
100 Days Together" story before I went to sleep last night. I cried. Will the same thing happen to me one day? By the time I say "
I love you" to
him, will it be too late? I break down easily these past few days. I cried when I got home the evening when we went to the funeral of one of the teachers' son. He's just 17 and he had to go. Will it be my time soon too? Will I still have the time to repent? Only
Allah knows.
